Most people do not enjoy conflict and try their hardest to avoid it. However, conflict is a part of life and something we all face on a regular basis. Conflict can occur with people all around us in a variety of situations. Spouses, partners, co-workers, children, parents, friends - the list can go on and on. It is important to remember that you often grow from the result of conflict as it can bring about change. Learning how to confront conflict head on and handle it with ease is an important life skill.
Here are some ways to effectively confront conflict in your life:
1. Be empathetic. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person(s) you are conflicting with. Look at it from their viewpoint and see why they are feeling the way they do. It doesn't mean you can't discuss your viewpoint and voice your opinion, but take a moment to look at the other side. Often if you look at conflict from a new view you can deflate a bit and see why the other party is upset and wanting a change.
2. Try to compromise when possible. There isn't always a win-win solution with every conflict, but compromise as much as you can when making a decision. By showing you are willing to give on certain issues shows the other party you are trying to be reasonable, and they will often follow your lead. Stating that you want to try and find a compromise can also put the other party at ease and shine a new light on the situation. For instance if you really do not want to do a certain chore around the house discuss it with your partner and discuss what chores you are willing to do.
3. Be assertive with your viewpoint, but don't over do it. Be as clear as possible about your viewpoint and clearly state your concerns. Often times I watch couples argue and one person is expecting the other to read between the lines and understand what they mean. Spell it out in a clear (and not demeaning) manner. Ask the other party if they understand what you mean or if you are making yourself clear - you may think you are being clear but they may not quite get it and need a better explanation.
4. Find an appropriate time to bring up the conflict. While having dinner at your mother's house is not a good time to ask your partner why they never communicate their feelings with you. Find a time when you and the other person(s) have time to sit down and discuss the issue without feeling pressured for time or having other uninvolved parties chime their opinions in. Dr. Christopher Deulen, a Licensed Psychologist and Inter-Personal Expert, states that people should never try to resolve a conflict when they are in what he calls “H.A.L.T.S.S.” When they are hungry, angry, lonely, tired, sad, or stressed.
5. Seek outside help. If you find yourself having the same conflict repeatedly and cannot move past it, consider getting some help. Often times working on communication with a licensed therapist or by taking a couples communication class can greatly improve a relationship. Relationships, of all kinds, take energy and time being put into them. Take a hard look at the important relationships in your life and evaluate if you need someone to help you and your partner get back on track.
No comments:
Post a Comment