As 2009 draws to a close I decided I'd better sneak in one more blog post. The new year is a traditional time to set resolutions for yourself and it can also be a good time to set resolutions for your relationship. Here are some tips for keeping, or making, your relationship a healthy one in the new year:
1. Communication - this is key to any successful relationship. Without communication your relationship cannot evolve and flourish. Communication is impportant not only during the difficult times but also during the happy times. Tell your spouse or significant other when you have had a bad day but also give them a call if something exciting just happened.
2. Compromise - another biggie. We all have to give and take. There are going to be times when one party feels they are giving more than another, and vice versa. If my husband is especially stressed at work one week, then I make sure to pitch in extra around the house to make his life a bit easier where I can, and you can be sure he does the same when I have a lot going on. By compromising with our significant other we go straight into the next tip below which is.....
3. Learning to let things go - we must learn to let things go in life. Studies have shown that when we hold onto grudges it can lead to high blood pressure and heart problems. Need another reason not to hang onto grudges? It isn't good for your relationship either. When an issue comes up, face it head on and discuss it and then let it go.
4. Have common interests - remember why you fell in love in the first place. What things do you enjoy doing together? What activities and interests do you share? If you can't remember, then explore new ones together. Take a cooking class or a salsa class to spice up your relationship.
5. Spending time apart and have separate interests - yes, yes, I know I just said find common interests, but you should also have separate interests. It is a healthy balance in a relationship. You don't have to give up an interest just because your spouse or partner doesn't enjoy it.
6. Develop a strong support system - this can look different for every relationship. Some have a strong family they can lean on while others depend on their friends for support. Whatever your support system is, just make sure it is a strong one that you can depend on. We all need people to call when we need a break from our kids or just need to talk. Also, try to surround yourself with other people who are in healthy relationships.
7. Sharing responsibilities - divide up your responsibilities so one of you doesn't feel overwhelmed. I hate yard work so my husband takes care of our yard and I handle most of the laundry. By dividing up the workload you can get things done twice as fast so you can then go on to do something more enjoyable together.
8. Laughter - never under estimate the power of laughter. Enough said.
9. Devoting time to your relationship - work, kids, extended family obligations, these things can all get in the way of taking some time for just the two of you. Call on your support system to watch the kids for the weekend and go on a getaway. Many parents often tell me they feel too guilty leaving their kids for the weekend to spend it with their spouse, but I challenge them to look at it in a new way. When you take a break from your everyday obligations and focus on your marriage you are showing your kids that your marriage/relationship is important and worthy of some time. You also then return to your kids refreshed and ready to go.
A last bit of knowledge to bring in 2010 with: "laugh a little bit, love a little bit and learn a little bit everyday." I wish you all a happy and healthy new year.
