The Benefits of Group Therapy

I have talked quite a bit on my blog about the benefits of individual therapy, but I wanted to touch on all the benefits of group therapy. The approach in group therapy is different but still leads to self discovery. Amongst a group of peers often times deeper self discovery occurs along with life long bonds made with fellow group members.

You may wonder though how you know if group therapy is for you or if you should lean towards individual therapy. Here are some tips for you:

1. Individual therapy is best if you have recently had a trauma or death, an alcohol/drug dependence diagnosis, or if you have had a severe depressive episode. Especially if you have never sought treatment for any of these concerns it is often best to first receive individual therapy and then transition into group therapy.

2. Group therapy may be a better option for you if you are feeling isolated, alone with your feelings or unable to talk to anyone. I often hear from my clients that their friends/family are "tried of hearing about their problems" and they have no one to talk to. Just knowing you aren't alone and others are in similar situations can be very beneficial and lead to group exploration.

3. Working with a group can be a great option for you also if you feel stunted in your current individual therapeutic relationship. Often times individual therapy can only take you so far and then group work can take it further. When people come into a group setting and interact freely with other group members, they often will recreate the difficulties that brought them into therapy to begin with.

4. Group therapy offers you more than one opinion. You will get immediate feedback from not only the therapist but the other group members. You also get the experience of seeing others work through their own problems while you work on yours, often drawing from their experience.

5. If you feel especially hesitant about group work then start off with individual therapy to lay a foundation and start self exploration. Many therapist offer both individual and group therapy, feel free to inquire about your options when you contact a therapist.

On a final note, some individuals worry about the confidentiality of group work. Upon the commencement of the group everyone signs a confidentiality agreement. What is discussed in the group stays within group members only. When each group member shares freely, everyone has their own need and respect for confidentiality.

If you live in the Central Valley and are interested in group or individual therapy please feel free to contact me.

Self Care

In today's society we seem to need to be multiple places at one time. I often feel I need to clone myself just to meet every one's needs between my husband, kids, students, clients, friends/family and oh wait, there is one more person who often gets neglected - me!

I know just from my social circle that I am not alone in this feeling. It is common though to feel you are being selfish though to take some time to yourself. Learning to set good limits and boundaries for ourselves is not easy, but necessary.

Here are some tips to get you started with some self care:

1. Learn to say that magical word - "NO." Do you struggle to tell the PTA at your child's school you just cannot bake a hundred cupcakes by tomorrow for fear of letting them down? Do you agree to optional overtime at work to make your boss happy every time he/she asks? It is okay to say no sometimes in order to relieve some stress. The world will keep turning and you will feel better by setting some boundaries for yourself.

2. Evaluate your time management. All of us have wasted time that gets away from us. Often times this wasted times quickly adds up and becomes quite a time sucker. If you don't already have a calendar get one! Either a day planner or a family calendar you can hang up to have all your family appointments in one place. This way you can combine errands and appointments when possible and minimize the stress by planning your week out. Also, be sure to schedule some down time. Mark off Friday night as "me" time or family time and stick to it just as you would any other appointment.

3. Take care of your body. Don't sacrifice your own health for others. Diet, exercise, and regular check ups are very important in self care. If you are functioning well you are no good to anyone so put some time into your mental and physical health.


4. Don't be too proud to ask for help! Look at those around you and see who can help out to minimize your stress. Make a chore chart for your kids to help around the house and learn responsibility. Talk with some neighborhood mom's about starting a carpool to relieve the day to day driving responsibilities. It won't take away all your responsibilities but it can start providing you with a few breaks.

5. Set up a reward system for yourself. When you do take on a big task and complete it, give yourself a little reward. It can be a new book, an extra long run on the weekend, a massage, a new outfit....the possibilities are endless. If you feel your efforts are recognized (even if only by yourself!) it will help you feel more appreciated and accomplished.

As always if you feel that the stress in your life is at a point where it is unmanageable please reach out to a professional. If you live in the Fresno/Clovis area feel free to contact me at (559) 289-0258 or email at csoareslcsw@gmail.com.

Healthy Dieting

Summer is here and with the warm weather there is often some evaluation of our weight in preperation for swim suit season. I still hear of too many people out there doing 'crash dieting' to quickly lose 10 pounds before they hit the beach. Crash dieting, or extreme dieting that drastically reduces your calorie intake, is risky and almost never results in long term weight loss.
Perhaps you have struggled with your weight all your life, or just the past few years. You still may be wondering what are some healthy ways to diet? What is a good approach to take in evaluating your body and deciding to make some changes? Here are some tips:

1. First it is important to evaluate your height and weight. You can then come up with a loose guideline of what your BMI is and see if you are underweight, overweight or at a healthy weight. Many websites provide a BMI calculator such as the CDC. To calculate your BMI click here . The reason it is important to find out your BMI is to discover what a healthy weight range is for your height and to make sure that you are not underweight already.

2. Set realistic goals for yourself. If you are standing in line at the grocery store looking at a picture of the Olsen twins and wishing you looked like them, chances are it isn't realistic (or healthy for that matter). Don't have a magic number set in your mind that isn't attainable. Decide what you are wanting to get out of this diet plan. Is it to tone up your body? Do you want to fit into your pre-pregnancy or college clothes? Set a goal that is going to be attainable so you don't get frustrated and abandon your plan altogether. After you set a realistic goal, also set a realistic time table. Deciding to lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks isn't a realistic goal in most cases. Extreme dieting (where your daily caloric intake is reduced to under 1500 calories) is very dangerous to your body and can often lead to yo-yo dieting where you lose a lot of weight only to turn around and gain it all back.

3. Don't think of this as a diet, but as a new approach to food and exercise. Often times we think of diets having a time limit. If you break out of this way of thinking and instead approach this as healthy eating and exercise you are more likely to stick with your new plan. Evaluate what has lead you to need a diet. Do you use food as a coping mechanism? Do you eat when bored, stressed, mad, sad, etc? Do you need some education on healthy eating to help you be successful? By answering questions such as these you can effectively start a healthy eating and exercise plan for yourself.

4. Always incorporate exercise into your healthy dieting plan. I often hear people say "exercise just isn't for me." Exercise doesn't have to be running or going to the gym, it can take many forms. All studies show that weight loss is most successful when healthy eating and dieting are paired together. Exercise can be swimming, water aerobics, walking with a friend, rock climbing, skiing, skating, weight lifting, or aerobics. If you think exercise is boring, consider joining a class to have some social interaction while exercising to decrease the boredom. Think outside the box and it will lead to success.

5. My final tip is to always consult your physician before starting a new eating/exercise plan. Not only is consulting a physician important for your own safety, but often times they can help you map out a successful plan. Many physicians are more than happy to help their patients develop a healthier way of life. If you live in the Fresno/Clovis area I highly recommend you consider checking in with Dr. Hayat at Avecinia Wellness Center. She runs weight management groups and takes a unique approach in utilizing a model for total wellness with her patients. She has regular weight management groups running currently, if you are interested in learning more please check out their website by clicking here.

As always, if you feel that you need further assistance in dealing with healthier coping skills or body image concerns please contact me.

Women's Group Starting

I am pleased to announce that I will be running a women's group starting mid-June. This will be a weekly group aimed to help woman overcome any adjustments they are currently struggling with such as motherhood, divorce, or relationship conflicts. We will explore different topics each week which will include self esteem, independence, body image, and stress management.

Group therapy is a wonderful way to develop a support group with other individuals who are currently going through similar struggles. The social interaction and dynamics that occurs during group work often provide you with much needed perspective of your own struggles and help propel you into change.

The group will run 10 weeks and will be a closed group, meaning that once the group starts no new members will be able to join. I feel a closed group is able to gain trust and share with one another quicker than if new members are joining every week.

Avante insurance will be accepted, if you do not have insurance the cost will be $25/week. Please email me at csoareslcsw@gmail.com if you are interested.

Our Inner Self

So often I have client's tell me that they feel lost, they just don't know who they are anymore. At times even when I ask them what their interests or hobbies are they can't conjure up an answer for me. They have lost touch with their inner self.

I frequently see this in new mothers. The overwhelming task of motherhood can cause you to have tunnel vision - you are so focused on this new little one that you start to put yourself on the back burner. For a period of time this is acceptable and normal. As mothers we make sacrifices for our children. But as time goes on it is so important that we start to regain our sense of self and put ourselves first sometimes. If not, after a while we only know how to define ourselves as a mother or wife or whatever title we hold at work - we don't know how to define ourselves as individuals.

A great example of someone in my life who is very much attuned into her sense of self is a neighbor of mine who is a stay at home mother of 3 children. As if that wasn't enough of a challenge, she also home school's 2 of her 3 children. Her husband is in the medical field and works nights, so he is often working or sleeping in preparation for work, so my neighbor has many roles and is a dedicated wife and mother. However, she has found a very healthy outlet and has some time for her self. She is currently training for the 'Iron Man' event which is an incredibly challenging physical event. She dedicates a lot of time to training for this event and is working towards a very personal and individual goal for herself.

Now I am not suggesting that you all go out and sign up for an 'Iron Man' or even a marathon, but find something that you can enjoy and feel accomplished with. Get back into sports or start baking again. Think about who you were at one point and where you want to go as an individual. Perhaps you used to enjoy crafts and that no longer holds any interest to you, that is okay. Look into a new activity and give it a try. If you don't love it you can try something else, the quest in finding your inner self is not always easy, but is always rewarding in the end.

Tips for a Successful Marriage/Partnership

As 2009 draws to a close I decided I'd better sneak in one more blog post. The new year is a traditional time to set resolutions for yourself and it can also be a good time to set resolutions for your relationship. Here are some tips for keeping, or making, your relationship a healthy one in the new year:

1. Communication - this is key to any successful relationship. Without communication your relationship cannot evolve and flourish. Communication is impportant not only during the difficult times but also during the happy times. Tell your spouse or significant other when you have had a bad day but also give them a call if something exciting just happened.

2. Compromise - another biggie. We all have to give and take. There are going to be times when one party feels they are giving more than another, and vice versa. If my husband is especially stressed at work one week, then I make sure to pitch in extra around the house to make his life a bit easier where I can, and you can be sure he does the same when I have a lot going on. By compromising with our significant other we go straight into the next tip below which is.....

3. Learning to let things go - we must learn to let things go in life. Studies have shown that when we hold onto grudges it can lead to high blood pressure and heart problems. Need another reason not to hang onto grudges? It isn't good for your relationship either. When an issue comes up, face it head on and discuss it and then let it go.

4. Have common interests - remember why you fell in love in the first place. What things do you enjoy doing together? What activities and interests do you share? If you can't remember, then explore new ones together. Take a cooking class or a salsa class to spice up your relationship.

5. Spending time apart and have separate interests - yes, yes, I know I just said find common interests, but you should also have separate interests. It is a healthy balance in a relationship. You don't have to give up an interest just because your spouse or partner doesn't enjoy it.

6. Develop a strong support system - this can look different for every relationship. Some have a strong family they can lean on while others depend on their friends for support. Whatever your support system is, just make sure it is a strong one that you can depend on. We all need people to call when we need a break from our kids or just need to talk. Also, try to surround yourself with other people who are in healthy relationships.

7. Sharing responsibilities - divide up your responsibilities so one of you doesn't feel overwhelmed. I hate yard work so my husband takes care of our yard and I handle most of the laundry. By dividing up the workload you can get things done twice as fast so you can then go on to do something more enjoyable together.

8. Laughter - never under estimate the power of laughter. Enough said.

9. Devoting time to your relationship - work, kids, extended family obligations, these things can all get in the way of taking some time for just the two of you. Call on your support system to watch the kids for the weekend and go on a getaway. Many parents often tell me they feel too guilty leaving their kids for the weekend to spend it with their spouse, but I challenge them to look at it in a new way. When you take a break from your everyday obligations and focus on your marriage you are showing your kids that your marriage/relationship is important and worthy of some time. You also then return to your kids refreshed and ready to go.

A last bit of knowledge to bring in 2010 with: "laugh a little bit, love a little bit and learn a little bit everyday." I wish you all a happy and healthy new year.

5 Helpful Tips When Adjusting to Change

It's human nature, we don't like change. We like to get into our patterns and find a comfortable routine. However, in life, change is inevitable. Even positive changes can be difficult because it is still an adjustment and you have to learn a new pattern to your daily life. Learning to cope effectively with change is an important skill to attain and will help you throughout life, whether it is a big change such as parenthood or a small change such as moving to a new home.



1. Identify supportive people in your life. Having a solid support system in your life will help ease the change. Try to find people who love you and will help you look at the positive side of change, even when it can be difficult. Try to not isolate yourself. Often when we are going through a difficult time we shy away from other people and find ourselves isolated and depressed. Reach out to the people in your life that you feel most comfortable with and that you know will be supportive.


2. Recall past coping skills. When you are in the middle of an adjustment think back to other changes in your life and try to recall what coping skills you used and put them into play. Often times we forget that we are capable human beings and by recalling past events we find strength in ourselves.


3. Maintain some normalcy. While there is change going on try to maintain some normal patterns. For instance, new parents often feel that their world is turned upside down and there is no way to hold onto any part of their "pre parenthood" life. You may not be able to have normal sleep patterns with a newborn, but maintain healthy eating habits or set aside time for your regular exercise pattern. Often this means reaching out to your support group as mentioned up above.


4. Don't stifle your emotions. Don't stuff your emotions during a time of change, allow yourself to experience the variety of emotions you are likely to experience during a time of change. I don't mean to allow yourself to wallow in these emotions, but allow yourself to express them. Who doesn't feel better after a good cry? Or a great laughing session with a friend? Get those emotions out there!


5. Embrace the change. Eventually the adjustment to the change will get easier and new patterns will develop. Accepting the change can create a more positive attitude within yourself and help ease the transition. Change is difficult and we all handle change differently. Try some of the tips above and see how they work for you. Reach out to those around you but if you need further assistance or think talking to a professional therapist would help please feel free to contact me.